Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Collecting Dust.

I've been feeling very antisocial for the past few weeks.  Not because I don't love people, but because I feel as if I don't have a speck of energy available for it.  And because I feel all gray-swirly inside.  (Grayswirlwhat?)  My insides feel discontent and negative and the opposite of calm.  I'm pretty sure that we can blame the fact that my OCD and anxiety are having a field day right now with me and my enormous to-do lists that I don't have the time to tackle.  See, I'm a fairly take-charge kind of person.  I decide I want/need/should do something, and I do it.  And I love me some lists.  I really love me some daily lists.  But these days, my lists have items on them that I don't have the time to tackle.  So that's left me feeling antsy and anxious and, generally just all out of sorts.  I know that once I get those biggies tackled, I'll calm down and once again return to my flitty, yet charming, ways. 

It'd be oversimplifying things to say, "Oh, Sasra - just take some things off your list.  They're not important in the grand scheme of things.  Just calm the heck down."  Sure, we could say that.  But the truth of the matter is that I've already let some things fall off my list.  Really, for really, I have.  Two biggies still on my list right now are to get the upstairs spare bedroom and office into working order.  My deadline, so to speak, is the second week of May when my parents, my brother, and Bo's Mom come to stay with us.  So, I can't just ix-nay them from my list.  Otherwise, people will be camping out on the floor with blankets we do not own.  And using towels we seem to have lost in the move.  Gah, it's just one big spiral-y circle, and listing out the full extent of if makes me feel like a crabapple, and nobody truly enjoys reading someone complain complain complain. 

Anyway, all this to explain why my blog has been gathering dust.  And why I may not have answered any of your emails or texts or calls.  I'm sorry.  I'll be silly again soon, I promise.

(I'm not one to write out a list of Blessings or Positives or Things to Be Thankful For, because to me, they just feel so contrived. But today, I figured I'd list them as proof that I'm not 100% hag. Maybe only 94%.)

The Hag-Nots:

  • On the plus side, I do have great hair today, and that miracle is nothing to shake a stick at.

  • And, oh!  I'm wearing this necklace today too.  I love that it looks innocently cute, but if you get up close and squint your eyes in deep focus, you can read what it says:

  • Another plus - I'm baking cookies tonight (and yes, Chocolate Chip are part of the action) for an order.  Yes, you read that right.  Someone ordered my signature baked good.  After all the Pops and whatnot, I'm finally baking my most favorite thing to bake, and it's for an order. 

  • Also!  I picked up my ticket last night to see Imogen Heap!!  This will be my third time seeing her in concert, and I'm going with some really fun girls, and maybe we'll load up on some yummy champagne beforehand, because I super love champagne, and it never gets me sick, and having a girls' night out sounds really fun right about now.

* Necklace purchased from the fabulous  I dare you to go there and escape without spending a dime.


  1. Heart you. Thanks for sharing :)

  2. I fucking love you. Does that help?

    Here's the thing. I think we make the mistake of thinking there is something wrong with the dark times, or the introverted times. Especially if we are normally more extroverted. Every thing, every where, and every woman has a season. We need winter to re-group, re-energize. We need spring to get things done and prepare for tomorrow.
    You are where you are right now and it's perfect. Just be in it. Don't fight it. If you fight it, you never deal with it.
    You don't have time to be social...that happens to all of us. Make sure you are taking care of yourself. Look at your Queen Chart. USE IT.
    Just wallow in the mud. You won't be there forever.
    I love you. Call me whenever.

  3. I've kinda been feeling the same way. For about two weeks now, but in my case I think it's just pure laziness mixed with boredom. When I finally make myself do something it feels so good. I have plenty of time I just seem to prefer to sit on the couch watch tv and look at all the mindless stuff on the internet.

  4. I totally love to hear you complain! Especially since I feel like you do and have for sometime. Misery loves company you know. I am sure that I am not helping, sorry.

    Ok, enough pity now. time to move on -- for both of us. Maybe a little champagne now might help, just a little :)

  5. I love me some lists too! Love love love the lists.

    And my blog has had nothing but crickets chirping over there because I'm just in a big ol' slump myself. SO, don't worry about it because this too shall pass! (at least that is what I've been trying to tell myself!)